Speech and Language

I sat with my Dad at the table the other day and he shared his wisdom with me as he so generously does. He told me there have been times when he said something and he wanted to melt like water into the ground because he regretted it. We all know that feeling. He told me I need to chew on my words before I say them out loud because just like you chew on food, you're going to have to eat those words.
I don't know about you, but that message for me initially makes me want to melt in the ground like water because almost every day I say words I regret. There are times I become discouraged and want to stay silent because of this human behavior. I read a quote the other day that said something like... the way you learn is to engage. If you stay silent, you are no longer engaging. On the other hand, there is a time and season for everything. Sometimes it's best to speak and other times it's best to say nothing at all.
He told me there are three ways to say "sit down" in Farsi. The first one is saying something like, come on over here and have a seat (like if you have company over and you have to be very polite). Another way is like saying, sit right here and eat or do your homework. That version is fairly neutral and it doesn't really evoke emotion. The third version he told me about is like saying, "sit your ass down".
His point, I think, was to convey the message that there are different methods of communication used between people.
The way the messages are interpreted is up to the individual person. Each mind (& heart) perceive and receive various messages according to what they know, or what they are familiar with. It can even simply come down to what perspective they are choosing to have.
Let us give and receive with grace in words and deeds because we are human and we all make mistakes. Just like the fragrance of a rose stays on the hand of the one who gives it, forgiveness comes to those who forgive. "Let your work be your prayer."Sometimes it's so hard for me to write because I have to use words and communicate messages that can so widely be interpreted or misinterpreted. The idea that my words can hurt others makes me feel sick, but the idea they can help others brings me comfort.
I opened my trunk the other day and found this big card I got from one of the classes I taught and it said, "hang on to your dreams". It made me smile because I was feeling like a huge failure. Such is the life of a writer, musician, or anyone who self expresses for that matter. So what do we do? I suppose we just need to keep playing each string of our unique heart we've been given by the master orchestrator... until it stops beating.

"Do it Scared"

I just began to read my friend Jennifer's book a little while ago and it has helped me ponder some important things. I read this part she wrote and it broke my heart for her to have that memory as a last memory of her father at first.. Then, I thought about it a little while. In a funny kind of way I think that memory was meant to be a huge blessing because the truth is, everyone gets frightened and that's okay. We are human beings. I view it as a father giving a sense of freedom and permission in saying, it's okay to feel scared. It is natural to feel frightened, especially when we are faced with the unknown. Maybe it was his way of communicating that fear exists only in the body because the body is an attachment (to the earth). I believe once the body has run it's course, what is left is spirit. And in the spirit, fear does not exist... So fear not that type of freedom.

Dynamometer

"Do you know what a dynamometer is?"
About twenty minutes later I was inside of a car garage, speaking to my Dad's friend whom I knew before from soccer but felt I was meeting again for the first time. They spoke in Farsi and I listened as I understand much more than I can speak.
We walked through the back door and made our way to a big metal machine on the floor. My Dad pointed at it and told my that is what a dynamometer was. He said the front wheels, what drives the car, is what goes on the part of the machine that spins and spins the tires.
"So when I say someone is spinning their wheels, but not going anywhere, you know what I mean. The car is going really fast, it can go up to 100 miles per hour, but it just sits on the machine and all that moves are the front tires and they just spin around."
Dynamometer

Makes Me Smile

That's my dog.

העיניים של הלב

You know those times when something comes out of your mouth, or a thought crosses your mind that even surprises you? You search for yourself, the old innocence you used to live and breathe and somehow the pure air has suffocated into nothing. Smiling takes effort and laughter hardly audible if it even exists. It's in that place where dreams feel like a wasteland and all you believed to be good seems nothing but an illusion. You know hope exists and you reluctantly pray it will find you quicker than the darkness. Flashbacks of terror strike like a bolt of lightening and pain floods your spirit. People stand around telling you what to do and criticism makes your mind go fuzzy. You can't see. People are the same person and one blends into the other and no one sees but you. So you are the one who is blind in "reality" but what are we meant to see? If you can't see, what are you shown?
Love,
Suzie
Amazing Grace by a 7 year old

Chapter One

I wandered the college campus, trying to find the piano rooms so I could practice my latest challenger, the chopsticks. I can't seem to move my right hand at the same time as my left unless I am playing the same keys on both hands. I'm working on it.
Like myself, the guy next to me must have been wondering why I'd picked the room right next to his in the piano hall while all of the other rooms were empty. My skills are completely elementary compared to his, and while he played away like nobody was listening, so did I.
Before I actually found the piano hall, in my wandering, I also found the performing arts center. I walked over to the double doors at the back entrance and noticed the stage was lit. I found an open door and walked with both hands reaching out in front of me, feeling for a seat in the darkness.
I peacefully watched the performance, appreciating the way it seemed so professional and profound. I sat in awe, watching the dancers move swiftly and gracefully across the stage in unison.
The dance told many stories. There was love, triumph, grace and vulnerability. Nonetheless, there was emotion that evoked passion and inspired me like crazy. When the dance ended, the teacher asked the dancers to practice their bows. After the third and final bow I stood and clapped loudly in the dark corner where my seat was and bolted.
In the life of a student, you will find love and time well spent.
Xx Suzie

A True Friend

"A true friend is one who is not afraid to make you cry."

"When I was growing up (as a teenager) I went through this period of time where I was always playing this game... like gambling. Instead of going to study, focus on my classes and work hard, I would go and play the game. I would come home and my Dad would ask me where I had been and I would tell him I was studying with my friend Hank. I had been playing the game after school instead for about 6 months at that time instead of doing what I was suppose to be doing and I was the top student at school. My Dad asked me again one day after I came home where I was and I told him I was studying with my friends Hank and Dan. He slapped me across the face really hard two times and he asked me why I was lying to him. He knew all of the details when he confronted me and I had no concept as to how he found everything out. When I asked him how he knew he told me his friends owned a shop right next to the one where I was playing the game and the guys from the shop told him. I hated the guys in the shop so much after that for telling on me for a long time after. About 4 years later I was at the airport getting ready to leave when Hank said, "I was the one who told your Dad". Now, almost 60 years later, Hank is still my best friend and I know I can trust him to be my eyes."
-(I made up the names) Wisdom from my Father... Thank you Dad.

A true friend knows your vision, even when you lose your sight.

Xx Suzie